Thursday, November 22, 2018

Stained By Amanda K. Dudley-Penn






Walking in the darkness
I knew better than to go
Too stubborn to listen
Too rebellious I know.
So, I stepped into the darkness.
The blame is on him.
But that's not all true, is it?
I walked into this sin.
The blood on his hands is his
But the choices before were mine.
Maturity enough to admit it.
But it's a bitter line.
I wanted to have fun.
That's all that mattered.
But will I sit here
With my soul beaten and battered?
I didn't listen to momma's pleas
And ended up scarred.
I was the one who skirted darkness
And learned consequences hard.
For a while, I refused
To see where I went wrong.
That I had no responsibility
I was a victim too long.
But to truly shed that
I realized where I had walked.
I played with the demons
Somewhere I got lost.
I drank their poison
To wash away the pain.
I ended up suffering.
I ended up with more stains.
He may have had me in his fist
where he could hold tight.
But I was the one 
who walked into that night.
I knew it wasn't safe.
I knew I could die.
But I did it anyway
And it changed my mind.
So I'll take the blame for my part.
I can be hated for that.
But I understand,
I used to be that mad.
Mad at the world
Blame on everyone but me.
Yes, his sin was greater
But the stepping in there was on me.
No, I didn't deserve it.
That part still aches.
But I know I was bitten
Because I chose to play with snakes.
This is my protection.
This keeps me safe.
So, I don't go somewhere
Where I make the same mistakes.
It pains me to know
that I could have avoided it all.
But I had to prove myself
And that caused me to fall.
And now, I am judged 
Because of what I learned from my life.
It can't be taken away
Because of other people's strife.
I'm not taking blame
for that ultimate sin.
I am taking blame 
for the danger I put myself in.
I'm sure this will be twisted
For others pain.
But it's something learned from my life.
It won't be changed. 
Not to fit your thoughts
Not to fit your ache.
Because this was my lesson in life.
You can't take that away.
Consequences for your actions
aren't always black and white.
Sometimes, the effect of your actions
skirt the grey line.
And this isn't another form 
of pity or self-hate.
But it is protection 
From becoming more stained.