Alone by Amanda K. Dudley-Penn

A Wisp, A Whisper, and I fade away.  

I wish my voice was sealed with nothing to say.

Vanishing into darkness but no one sees.

It doesn't matter...They don't really see me.

If I stood in the open...In the light.

I would be invisible.  They'd still walk by.

A seal...A syllable...But it's all wrong.

I realize I've stood alone all along.

Silent in the noise.  Alone in a crowded place.

A tremble down my spine.  My heart starts to race.

A breath...I breathe in and push it out.

I press my lips together, trying not to shout.

A shutter works through me but I still smile.

A hidden annoyance...All the while.
Bye...Good-bye.  I vanish away.
I walk, I speak but my soul fades.
I wonder how long it will last this time.
Silence is golden but I shout inside.
A wisp...A whisper I fade away.
I wish my voice was sealed so I don't bring pain.

Sepia Stained Memories by Amanda K. Dudley-Penn

I close my eyes and see beautiful lace.

When I danced with a five-year old’s grace.

In that old living room, I twirled around.

Dressed like you I fell to the ground. 

Sometimes, I see us in the sunlight.

Your hands are moving gently left and right.

Tying flowers and making chains.

I am waiting to be crowned a princess again. 

And sometimes, I view those hands reach up high.

As the rain drops down to touch you from the sky.

Your laughter rings out and mesmerizes me.

You taught me to dance in the rain and be carefree.

Then, there is the taste of ice cream made of snow

And a touch of warmth after the cold.

Or the Christmas tree with lights so bright.

Presents piled on Christmas Eve night.

Your songs so beautiful as we fell into sleep

Lullabies that followed into my dreams.

Or stories by you as slumber awaits.

Or crochet needles and crafts that you made.

These images are too precious to be captured in pictures for me.

They are more precious than sepia stained memories.

Breathe By: Amanda K. Dudley-Penn

In the darkness 

The voices are there

Calling me closer

A scream in despair.

Pushing and pulling

I move further down.

Tugging and moving

Searching to be found.

The darkness is fading

And warmth becomes cold.

A shiver runs through me.

The young comes from old.

I open my eyes

But I'm blinded by light.

I try to see them all

The beginning of life.

A tear on my cheek

An immediate need.

A fight to survive

I remember to breathe.

Tomorrow By: Amanda K. Dudley-Penn

For those who suffer

Today is the darkness

Today you are sad.

Today is the clouds

When everything feels bad.

Today you hear the whispers

Breaking your heart into.

Today you see the people

Who have hurt you.  

Today you struggle

There is no light.

Today you smile

But you die some inside.

Today you pretend

Everything is okay.

Today you heard a voice

That should have pushed it away.

Today your heart breaks.

They weren't trusted anyway.

Today you fight tears. 

You fight them for others.

Today you take deep breaths.

You still feel smothered.

Today you fight through

You push away the sorrow.

Today comes to an end. 

There is hope for tomorrow.

Dear Daddy (Part 4) Final By: Amanda K. Dudley-Penn

To my father, Eric Ray Dudley

Dear Daddy, I remember 

The day that I got the call.

You left me with a promise made.

You wouldn't be here at all.

Dear Daddy, you were troubled in life

but mysterious in death.

There is no way to know

why you took your last breath.

Dear Daddy, I'm sorry.

I can't fight this battle alone.

I've failed you I know.

But I tried to get it done.

Dear Daddy, I miss you

More than you know.

I wish I could know for sure

Why you had to go.

Dear Daddy, I love you.

Even though you sacrificed me.

For your girls, for a promise

But from that I'm free.

Dear Daddy, I suffer

in quiet and alone.

No one cares what happened.

No one cares what was done.

Dear Daddy, I'm weak.

I can't do anything else.

The guilt from that

Has been my own personal hell.

Dear Daddy, I'm hurt

Because no one else cared.

I feel so betrayed.

It feels so unfair.

Dear Daddy, I'm so sorry.

I can't help you.

Maybe someone else 

can help.  Maybe they'll find the truth.

Dear Daddy, to admit this

kills a part of my soul.

But I have to say goodbye

knowing justice will never be known.

Dear Daddy, I love you.

But I can't make them see.

I'm so sorry, Daddy.

Please forgive me.

Dear Daddy (Part 3) By: Amanda K. Dudley-Penn

For my father, Eric Ray Dudley

Dear Daddy, I remember

The trip to live with you.

I thought the pain was over.

I had dreams to pursue.

Dear Daddy, I remember 

The grin on your face.

Somehow that got lost 

In a darkened haze.

Dear Daddy, I understood

That you were hurt.

I understood I was sacrificed

because you couldn't lose her.

Dear Daddy, I don't blame you

for someone else's plans.

You were trapped like me.

It made it hard to stand.

Dear Daddy, you saved me

when you let me go.

Your sacrifice has gone

without being known.

Dear Daddy, I missed you

when we couldn't speak.

But I remember what you did

was because you loved me.

Dear Daddy, you left me

to save me from another's hurt.

You couldn't tell anyone

because they would tell her.

Dear Daddy, I love you

and you showed that you loved me.

You saved me from pain.

You allowed me to breathe.

Dear Daddy, thank you 

for keeping me alive.

For putting me first

At that time in my life.

Dear Daddy (Part Two) By: Amanda K. Dudley-Penn

To my father, Eric Ray Dudley

Dear Daddy, I remember well
When you were absent for while.
It was when that moment happened
when I was pushed from being a child.
Dear Daddy, I still remember
wishing for you to arrive.
Every day that passed,
I died a little inside.
Dear Daddy, I knew
you had another girl.
I would  have loved to see her
Another sister in this world.
Dear Daddy, I wrote to you
while you were gone.
But you've disappeared before.
From me and your son.
Dear Daddy, I missed you
And wondered when you'd return.
A girl's daddy is important.
It's a lesson hard learned.
Dear Daddy, I loved you then
And I love you even now.
I try to understand you
I try not to think foul.
Dear Daddy, another chapter closed.
Another soon began.
Another child affected.
Another took your hand.
Dear Daddy, I wish for you
to tell about your life.
But now, I just live
within a never-ending strife.