Fractured by Amanda K. Dudley-Penn

Strength is just an illusion only seen when you are bare. 

Pride is the cloak that is sewed and you are forced to wear.

Breathing in and breathing out waiting for the ball to drop.

Keeping your mouth shut while your brain screams please stop.  

Spinning in circles, everyone is more important than you.  

You are the daughter of a dark mind that part is true.  

Do you step in his footsteps? No one thinks you'll play his game.

That mask is a lie but they'll believe it just the same.

Because it makes them feel comfortable and they won't have to see

That maybe the spinning thoughts and darkness live inside of me.

Thought to be tougher than the others but that's just a lie.

So they won't have to see that weakness inside.

Does it make them feel less guilty so they don't have to take the blame?

Or is it because if they knew, they would have to admit they are insane?

Whispers in the darkness...Whispers that I later hear.

Do you think they don't tell me when you whisper about me in their ears?

I know more than they do...I know more than they speak.  

I know I was a pawn and they played with me.  

Yet what they see about me is all just manufactured.  

Because they only see the slivers, the part of me that is fractured.

  

Dark Spot by Amanda K. Dudley-Penn

Twisting through life not invisible but barely there.

Broken and Beaten and touched with penetrating stares. 

Acknowledged in speech but ignored in presence. 

But oh how hard are all these life lessons.

No chance of pride...No chance of conceit. 

Putting a bandage on when the heart bleeds.

Blending with darkness.  Faded to most.

Even in accomplishments, there is nothing to boast.

Looking out a window, nothing is there.

The mantra is that life is never fair.

Trembling lips and tear filled eyes.

Hidden behind all of those pretty lies.

Standing in a storm, the wind whipping around

Knowing without a doubt that no one is proud.

Used for the gift to push others far.

It doesn't matter as long they are stars.

Forcing a smile, Give it all you got.

They all wear white and you are just a dark spot.

Crochet Hooks and Flower Chains by Amanda K. Dudley-Penn

Dedicated to my mom, Kaye Hirjak

A breeze as she works.

Brown hair cloaking her face.

Her pale hands move

With delicate grace.

She holds four gazes

All are in thrall.

A simple gesture

That showed love for all.

A crown, a necklace

A Princess, A prince.

Flowers and petals

Paint and tiny handprints.

A Summer morning,

A day gone by.

Moves on to another

Where she sits in the light.

A silver light flashes.

Hands moving fast.

Dolls and unicorns

A time gone past. 

A heart is aching

As memories wane

Wishing time would return

To crochet hooks and flower chains.

Alone by Amanda K. Dudley-Penn

A Wisp, A Whisper, and I fade away.  

I wish my voice was sealed with nothing to say.

Vanishing into darkness but no one sees.

It doesn't matter...They don't really see me.

If I stood in the open...In the light.

I would be invisible.  They'd still walk by.

A seal...A syllable...But it's all wrong.

I realize I've stood alone all along.

Silent in the noise.  Alone in a crowded place.

A tremble down my spine.  My heart starts to race.

A breath...I breathe in and push it out.

I press my lips together, trying not to shout.

A shutter works through me but I still smile.

A hidden annoyance...All the while.
Bye...Good-bye.  I vanish away.
I walk, I speak but my soul fades.
I wonder how long it will last this time.
Silence is golden but I shout inside.
A wisp...A whisper I fade away.
I wish my voice was sealed so I don't bring pain.

Sepia Stained Memories by Amanda K. Dudley-Penn

I close my eyes and see beautiful lace.

When I danced with a five-year old’s grace.

In that old living room, I twirled around.

Dressed like you I fell to the ground. 

Sometimes, I see us in the sunlight.

Your hands are moving gently left and right.

Tying flowers and making chains.

I am waiting to be crowned a princess again. 

And sometimes, I view those hands reach up high.

As the rain drops down to touch you from the sky.

Your laughter rings out and mesmerizes me.

You taught me to dance in the rain and be carefree.

Then, there is the taste of ice cream made of snow

And a touch of warmth after the cold.

Or the Christmas tree with lights so bright.

Presents piled on Christmas Eve night.

Your songs so beautiful as we fell into sleep

Lullabies that followed into my dreams.

Or stories by you as slumber awaits.

Or crochet needles and crafts that you made.

These images are too precious to be captured in pictures for me.

They are more precious than sepia stained memories.

Breathe By: Amanda K. Dudley-Penn

In the darkness 

The voices are there

Calling me closer

A scream in despair.

Pushing and pulling

I move further down.

Tugging and moving

Searching to be found.

The darkness is fading

And warmth becomes cold.

A shiver runs through me.

The young comes from old.

I open my eyes

But I'm blinded by light.

I try to see them all

The beginning of life.

A tear on my cheek

An immediate need.

A fight to survive

I remember to breathe.

Tomorrow By: Amanda K. Dudley-Penn

For those who suffer

Today is the darkness

Today you are sad.

Today is the clouds

When everything feels bad.

Today you hear the whispers

Breaking your heart into.

Today you see the people

Who have hurt you.  

Today you struggle

There is no light.

Today you smile

But you die some inside.

Today you pretend

Everything is okay.

Today you heard a voice

That should have pushed it away.

Today your heart breaks.

They weren't trusted anyway.

Today you fight tears. 

You fight them for others.

Today you take deep breaths.

You still feel smothered.

Today you fight through

You push away the sorrow.

Today comes to an end. 

There is hope for tomorrow.